dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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