I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
