so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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