Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
