The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
