Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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