she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
