The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Randomize
