instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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