erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
