I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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