I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
