some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
