if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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