Its about making memories worth repressing
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize