just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize