They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
