im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
