Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
