I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
