talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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