Michael Bay diarrhea
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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