My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
