It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Girls should come with a carfax report
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
