too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
