Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
