nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Michael Bay diarrhea
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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