I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
