You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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