come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
