dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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