Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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