Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
