Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
