We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize