My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
