I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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