grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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