Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
