God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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