Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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