forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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