One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
