i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
