im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
