Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
