If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
