I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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