did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
