It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
