Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
