I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
