Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
