Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
