A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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