I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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