they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
