why didn't you poke me back
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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