You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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