Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
