He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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