I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
