She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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