hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
