You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
