yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I faked an abortion last night.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
