Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Randomize
