White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
