I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
