Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
