quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
